thirty-three

01:05:26


I'm sleepy after Musée d'Art Contemporain de Montréal.


"Filtenin. Shoo filtenin na7na! We separate for one night and already we have stories to tell in the morning!"


Flutterby giggles, her burning joint quivering between her index and middle. We look at each other in celebration of the years of continuous madness that we've been sharing since high school. Bonnie & Bonnie, partners in crime.


She went out to meet her ex, to close doors courteously, but discovered instead that letting go was exiting through entering and not the other way around.


I went out to meet Diagonal from back home...


The ghostly glass towers echoed our excitement of being in a new place. We knew each other well enough to not compromise our freedom, our anonymity. Together we were no one.


"I have to tell you something."


"What? Is everything okay?"


"Yeah. Try and guess what it is."


"You got a tattoo?"


"No. It's something I'm born with."


"How am I supposed to know? It could be so many things. Is it physical? Psychological? Do you have a health problem?"


"Oh my god, how can you not guess?"


"Do you have a tail?"


He burst out laughing.


"I'm gay."


"Haha, very funny."


"I am."


"No way. You're bullshitting."


"I swear."


"Really?"


"Yes."


I was still nursing my disbelief, but I didn't want to make him regret telling me, if he actually was being serious.


"How? When did you know?"


"It's something you're born with. I was sure when I hit puberty."


"Wow," He must be telling me the truth. "I really appreciate you telling me."


"I'm sorry for misleading you with my text messages. It wasn't all fake. I mean I do think you're hot, but..."


By then I had sat down to better absorb the shock of it all. This was the final straw in my series of judgement misfires. I, the undersigned, pledge to give up on trying to discern people's sexual orientation. I didn't even consider the possibility of his being different. But ultimately, why would it matter? Why do people make it their own business where homosexuality is concerned?


Straight people have a very slight, if any, true understanding of what it is like to be attracted to someone of the same sex. I have had thoughts, yes, but I have never caught myself looking at a girl passing me by and thinking of sliding my hands around her waist and up her back and kissing her on her neck, gently. Such urges are solicited by men only. Fantasies involving girls creep up on me when I'm daydreaming or nursing some Neanderthal's freshly inflicted wound. Straight people should calm the fuck down and stop passing judgement on something they do not comprehend and have no active role in. Could it be jealousy, in addition to fear, that fuel their prejudices?


How is anyone concerned with what goes on between two people in the privacy of their own home? A popular argument is that if homosexuality becomes socially acceptable, we and our children will then have to witness PDA (public display of affection). Gay PDA makes a lot of people uncomfortable. A guy and a girl copy pasting their conversation on each other's tongues make me uncomfortable. A little kid begging me for 1000L.L. makes me uncomfortable. Terminally ill people make me uncomfortable. Wedgies make me uncomfortable. You deal with it and move on. The world is for everybody and you have to compromise and make space for others.


"So you're cool with it?"


"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"


We spent the evening walking in the park. He could relax now. I noticed every single touch and with each one I'd note that it didn't mean anything. We were just two souls trapped in two bodies which needed affection. No reading in between the brushings past, no wandering thoughts, just plain being.


By the time we returned to our neighborhood it was 02h00. Flutterby couldn't be reached and I didn't want to risk walking in on a reconciliation. He suggested I sleep over at his friend's place instead. I was shivering and too tired to argue.


"Would you come with me to the gay village?"


"I could. But what would I do?"


"I'm beginning to feel the pressure. I've been here for over a week and nothing has happened. I've never done anything, just childish fooling around. I came here so I could be free and discover what it's like. I'm still a virgin. I though I'd come here and try it with both a guy and a girl, but it's not as easy as I thought."


"You were expecting everyone to jump on you, eh?"


He smiled. "Yeah, kinda"


The mattress received my body like a marshmallow and I sunk into a deep sleep.
When I rolled over the next morning, Diagonal turned to me and asked,


"Would you like to try something?"